Subverting Intelligence

One of the Americans is singled out in the statement as a former Peace Corps volunteer: “One of the detained first came to Russia in 2001 as a Peace Corps volunteer. It is known that in 2002 Peace Corps activity was banned in connection with the carrying out of intelligence-subversive activities.” From "Russia Says It Has Deported Four Americans"  

(a notebook I bought in Velikaya Guba, Russia. Was this an unrecognized sign of my true objective?)

Having served as a Peace Corps Volunteer in Russia from 2000-2002, I am apparently one of these intelligence-subvertors. I worked at a local school as an English Language Volunteer and had access to youth whose delicate intelligence was susceptible to subversion.

This article has forced me into deep self-reflection. Did I? Was I? How? Clearly, this intelligence subversion is known by everyone except me, so how could I have missed it at the time? Alas, if I ever wanted a visa to Russia again, I'd better find out and not repeat my transgression.

Upon meditating on the topic, I discovered the following ways in which I might have subverted intelligence:

1) An 11 year old hooligan once followed me from the seamstress shop repeating "kizmaiaz." It took me a second to realize he was trying to say "Kiss my ass," so I kindly stopped and addressed him. I told him, in Russian, it was three words. I had him repeat the words in English after me. He looked puzzled, said "WHAT?," and ran away. I'm pretty sure any intelligence was subverted.

2) One time, there was a last-minute teacher's meeting, and I was asked to sub for two classes of 5th graders. I was handed a book with a text about Yuri Dolgoruki and told to "teach." The students were excited that the young American who lacked any classroom management skill was in charge. I promptly went to the piano and played the only song I could, "Yankee Doodle." I told them to work in groups of three to create a song about the reading to the tune. It was a smashing success, but now I am afraid that "Yankee Doodle" might have been too much American propaganda. After all, wikipedia tells me the "call it macaroni" in the song, is really referring to "foppishness." Was I inadvertently claiming that Yuri Dolgoruki, founder of Moscow, was gay?

3) What appeared to be a gypsy stopped me on the footbridge near my home. My Russian was/is terrible, so I perceived her as a very serious woman, gesticulating wildly. I could pick out single words but had no context. I told her "I don't understand" which only made her solicitation more emphatic. In hindsight, could she have been explaining how I was carrying out "intelligence-subversive" activities? I kept repeating "I don't understand" until her eyes got large, and she ran away.My tutor thought she was trying to spook me with a story of prognostication but freaked out because I seemed simple. Now, I think she was warning me that I was connected to subverting intelligence but was too simple to understand.

4) One of my favorite classes at school was a group of 8th or 9th ( I can't remember; whose intelligence is subverted now?!) graders who were known as the dramatic/improv class. I could always count on them to speak English only and creatively dramatize boring readings. They had a reading about "Australia" so I infringed on copyright and brought "Land Down Under" as a sing-a-long. Unfortunately, for me, there's a reference to drinking in the song. Oops. The kids picked up on it and started chanting the Russian word "Alkagolik." I told them that, at the very least, they should say it correctly. Rookie error. Once the class started chanting "Alcoholic" correctly, the director of the school walked in. Come to think of it, I am now sure that went directly to the authorities in Moscow.

After remembering these incidents, I was racked with tremendous guilt. Had I single-handedly brought down the Peace Corps in Russia? I turned to the only friend I could, Google, and found the following quote from a 2002 CNN report on Peace Corps' exit. 

"Among them are persons who were collecting information on the social, political and economic situation in Russian regions, on officials of governmental bodies and departments, on the course of elections and so on," FSB head Nikolai Patrushev told reporters earlier this month.

My blood ran cold, and two immediate examples came to mind.

5) Once the Peace Corps asked me to do a cost of living survey. I went to the expensive market and noted the price of potatoes. I was hoping giving the inflated price would result in a raise. It did not. The Peace Corps was kicked out instead. If only I had known the true value of a kilogram of potatoes to the American government...

6) The spring of 2002 was election time, and it was especially interesting given the fact that the previous U.S. Presidential election had been such a fiasco. So maybe it was with the idea that we Americans could learn something that I paid attention. I had heard that the local communist party was promising every old person in my city a new car if they were to get in power. My Russian was better, and although I couldn't understand the news, I could read basic stuff like the election posters hanging every street pole.  I took one to show Americans how the communist party promised old people cars to get elected. Unfortunately, the poster says nothing of the sort, just stuff like "free travel for school kids" and "clean roads." The ruse did not work for the communists. They were not elected, and now the poster sits in the most subversive of spots- in a dusty box of souvenirs up in a storage closet. I hope the NSA doesn't read this and raid my house. I would understand, though, given the blow this must be to American-Russian relations.

I don't know why it took me 12 years to connect the dots. It's all quite a shame because I really loved my time in Russia and the people I met.  It is a compelling country, with a compelling history. As Winston Churchill once noted, Russia is an enigma wrapped in a mystery covered with confusion and encircled by absurdity served with a pickle. Maybe I've gotten that wrong, but that just proves my point;clearly, I was the wrong choice to be connected with carrying out intelligence-subversive activities.