The magic penis or a post about the absence of female magicians

I've been thinking a lot about magic recently.

Anyone who knows me well, and has watched me watch a magician, knows I CAN'T STAND not knowing how they do it. I squirm in my seat. I feel it's a test of my intelligence that I can't figure it out. I want to watch again, and again, and again, and try to see what I'm being directed not to see. I have been known to BEG and PLEAD to find out. Magicians usually just smile and mutter something about a code or try to distract me with something shiny or say "but that would ruin the fun."

No, it wouldn't. 

It occurred to me that I never wanted to do the trick; I just wanted to know. Then I thought, why hadn't I ever wanted to do the trick myself? 

Recently, I saw Penn & Teller, who are refreshingly honest about the fact they are fooling us, and it was an amazing show. I was able to let go of trying to figure out the illusion because I knew they weren't trying to make me feel stupid. I also just saw their new show "Penn & Teller: Fool us," a competition where the magician who can perform a trick that neither Penn nor Teller can explain wins a chance to perform in Vegas. 

While watching one competitor dress in a tutu and declare that all magic acts need a beautiful assistant,  it hit me... like a ton of bricks.

There are no women magicians. They are always the assistants or the ones picking the card from the deck or the ones giggling as the magician heckles them. 

Why? What makes the penis so magical (insert own magic wand reference)? 

Is it the idea that males who do magic are somehow Harry Potter-esque while females are evil witches?

Is it the power-- how would society react to a woman who could outsmart/fool/trick them? Penn stands onstage and labels himself a "scumbag." He act means to Teller. He is upfront that he is intending to fool us. Would that be as funny if a woman did that? 

Is it the idea that magicians are somehow criminals and ne'er-do-wells out to cheat people? One of the performers on Fool Us performed a magic trick where he bragged that if he fooled Penn & Teller,Vegas casinos wouldn't let him in. He's that good at card cheating. What about the history of seance scams and people losing money to charlatans?   

I find it hard to think that in this day and age, when women like Amy Poehler and Tina Fey can kick ass in comedy, some women wouldn't have challenged, by now, the idea that magicians are witches, bitches, and cheats. 

The Atlantic published a piece about this, and I thought one aspect was spot on. The experts were talking about magic being a social-coping mechanism. What does the nerdy, weird kid do? He does magic. And somehow there was a correlation between Magic being a puzzle the way math and science can be, and then there was that drop off of interest among females around Jr. High. Hey- isn't this also the age when girls start shying away from those STEM classes? 

Maybe women just aren't good at math and science and magic...and comedy and politics, and, yeah-- bullshit on that. 

One magic-school instructor said in the article:

In general [among the kids I teach], there's an even spread of boys and girls up until about age 10. Both sexes are willing to learn, practice and perform; when they reach 11 and 12, though, the girls drop off, especially in the performing. 

When I do a class magic session with 13- to 16-year-olds in an all-girls school, I get a really enthusiastic reception. It's all greeted with a sense of fun from the get-go, and the girls aren't really interested in how it works. If I do a class magic session with 13- to 16-year-olds in an all-boys school, it's a bit frosty to start. But once I establish credibility and share some of the mechanics with them, they're my new best friends

Hmmm...especially the performing. I wonder if this has to do with the girls not wanting to be seen, not wanting attention drawn to themselves because they don't feel like they meet the criteria of a performer.

And who are female performers?

Scantly clad

Thin.

Sexy.

subservients.

Assistants.

I wonder if female performers were smart and powerful we'd see more as magicians. 

Maybe I should take some magic classes to be a role model. 

Your thoughts?

Subverting Intelligence

One of the Americans is singled out in the statement as a former Peace Corps volunteer: “One of the detained first came to Russia in 2001 as a Peace Corps volunteer. It is known that in 2002 Peace Corps activity was banned in connection with the carrying out of intelligence-subversive activities.” From "Russia Says It Has Deported Four Americans"  

(a notebook I bought in Velikaya Guba, Russia. Was this an unrecognized sign of my true objective?)

Having served as a Peace Corps Volunteer in Russia from 2000-2002, I am apparently one of these intelligence-subvertors. I worked at a local school as an English Language Volunteer and had access to youth whose delicate intelligence was susceptible to subversion.

This article has forced me into deep self-reflection. Did I? Was I? How? Clearly, this intelligence subversion is known by everyone except me, so how could I have missed it at the time? Alas, if I ever wanted a visa to Russia again, I'd better find out and not repeat my transgression.

Upon meditating on the topic, I discovered the following ways in which I might have subverted intelligence:

1) An 11 year old hooligan once followed me from the seamstress shop repeating "kizmaiaz." It took me a second to realize he was trying to say "Kiss my ass," so I kindly stopped and addressed him. I told him, in Russian, it was three words. I had him repeat the words in English after me. He looked puzzled, said "WHAT?," and ran away. I'm pretty sure any intelligence was subverted.

2) One time, there was a last-minute teacher's meeting, and I was asked to sub for two classes of 5th graders. I was handed a book with a text about Yuri Dolgoruki and told to "teach." The students were excited that the young American who lacked any classroom management skill was in charge. I promptly went to the piano and played the only song I could, "Yankee Doodle." I told them to work in groups of three to create a song about the reading to the tune. It was a smashing success, but now I am afraid that "Yankee Doodle" might have been too much American propaganda. After all, wikipedia tells me the "call it macaroni" in the song, is really referring to "foppishness." Was I inadvertently claiming that Yuri Dolgoruki, founder of Moscow, was gay?

3) What appeared to be a gypsy stopped me on the footbridge near my home. My Russian was/is terrible, so I perceived her as a very serious woman, gesticulating wildly. I could pick out single words but had no context. I told her "I don't understand" which only made her solicitation more emphatic. In hindsight, could she have been explaining how I was carrying out "intelligence-subversive" activities? I kept repeating "I don't understand" until her eyes got large, and she ran away.My tutor thought she was trying to spook me with a story of prognostication but freaked out because I seemed simple. Now, I think she was warning me that I was connected to subverting intelligence but was too simple to understand.

4) One of my favorite classes at school was a group of 8th or 9th ( I can't remember; whose intelligence is subverted now?!) graders who were known as the dramatic/improv class. I could always count on them to speak English only and creatively dramatize boring readings. They had a reading about "Australia" so I infringed on copyright and brought "Land Down Under" as a sing-a-long. Unfortunately, for me, there's a reference to drinking in the song. Oops. The kids picked up on it and started chanting the Russian word "Alkagolik." I told them that, at the very least, they should say it correctly. Rookie error. Once the class started chanting "Alcoholic" correctly, the director of the school walked in. Come to think of it, I am now sure that went directly to the authorities in Moscow.

After remembering these incidents, I was racked with tremendous guilt. Had I single-handedly brought down the Peace Corps in Russia? I turned to the only friend I could, Google, and found the following quote from a 2002 CNN report on Peace Corps' exit. 

"Among them are persons who were collecting information on the social, political and economic situation in Russian regions, on officials of governmental bodies and departments, on the course of elections and so on," FSB head Nikolai Patrushev told reporters earlier this month.

My blood ran cold, and two immediate examples came to mind.

5) Once the Peace Corps asked me to do a cost of living survey. I went to the expensive market and noted the price of potatoes. I was hoping giving the inflated price would result in a raise. It did not. The Peace Corps was kicked out instead. If only I had known the true value of a kilogram of potatoes to the American government...

6) The spring of 2002 was election time, and it was especially interesting given the fact that the previous U.S. Presidential election had been such a fiasco. So maybe it was with the idea that we Americans could learn something that I paid attention. I had heard that the local communist party was promising every old person in my city a new car if they were to get in power. My Russian was better, and although I couldn't understand the news, I could read basic stuff like the election posters hanging every street pole.  I took one to show Americans how the communist party promised old people cars to get elected. Unfortunately, the poster says nothing of the sort, just stuff like "free travel for school kids" and "clean roads." The ruse did not work for the communists. They were not elected, and now the poster sits in the most subversive of spots- in a dusty box of souvenirs up in a storage closet. I hope the NSA doesn't read this and raid my house. I would understand, though, given the blow this must be to American-Russian relations.

I don't know why it took me 12 years to connect the dots. It's all quite a shame because I really loved my time in Russia and the people I met.  It is a compelling country, with a compelling history. As Winston Churchill once noted, Russia is an enigma wrapped in a mystery covered with confusion and encircled by absurdity served with a pickle. Maybe I've gotten that wrong, but that just proves my point;clearly, I was the wrong choice to be connected with carrying out intelligence-subversive activities.