Om Veronica

There is something about having a child which makes you re-evaluate yourself, your life, and your interests. This blog has sat abandoned for what has become years instead of months. It became a small, but ignorable, pang of guilt. I'd loved blogging, but Facebook came around to let me share interesting news items..and I was hit by a severe case of writers block accompanied by an extreme existential funk.

The funk hasn't cleared. My career is...not. I'm pursuing a masters degree in a field I enjoy but fear will lead nowhere. I'm working barely part time in an enjoyable job but which is essentially the same position I had 8 years ago. Had all my work and development and professional growth been in vain?

Admittedly, I did not fight the funk very hard. I cannot explain why.

A year ago I grappled with anxiety knowing that I've done my best at school and work, but felt like a failure for never really being able to define what I wanted to do with my life. I was jealous of friends who had jobs which took them around the world or challenged them with interesting projects.

Was I wasting my life?

Then I got pregnant...which is where you'd expect me to say everything came into focus, and I realized the purpose of my life. Not true-- but it's been a compelling journey, not at all what I expected, and it's mostly forced me to look at who I am, who I want to be, and not what I am. Motherhood, which started well before birth, caused me to question whether or not I was living the lessons I wanted to pass to my child.

And the answer has been yes and no.

It has also inspired me to write which I've missed so much. This may evolve into a "mommy" type blog, a turn off to some surely, yet I hope it keeps some people's interest.I'll most likely document what's going on with Veronica, who has taught me much in the way of patience in her 6 weeks of life.

Mostly, I hope it allows me to express myself and resurrect a part of me which has stagnated.